**originally posted in 2007**
I've been this creature for 3 months now. They have been the most glorious and torturous I've ever known. I feel the loss of what I was so keenly. The gifts I had as part of my tribe now lost to me. Instead I have the means to survive this genocide that is taking place and stalk the same people that have inflicted this unwarrented death upon us. My cousins have disappeared. I do not know what's become of them. The three of us training every day, working to perfect these new bodies and talents bestowed on us. I woke up one night and they were gone. Alienor says she doesn't know where they have gone to, but I no longer believe that. Her eyes have always been cold, but there's something more now. A shifting that occurs whenever I probe too much about what we are to do next or any of the rest of our family, either alive or otherwise. The fragmented shards of what was once my soul cries out to me that I have sold myself into some obscene form of slavery from which there is no escape. There is more looming upon the horizon then I can comprehend. I dare not voice my fears out loud, not right now. Alienor has some grander plan in mind than simply helping the family to survive this war. I do not know what she plans, but I can see her mind working on it when she thinks I am occupied with my training. I can do much more than what I've been working on in recent days. But if I improve too quickly she'll move forward before I know what's happening. My soul is trapped forever in this limboed existence and my former self dead. Natasha Phurie Dae no longer exists. I am only Natasha Ravnos, killer of killers and survivor of nothing. Survive one night to the next, that's all I can do. Maybe one night I can at least trade this hell for a different type of hell.
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